Posts
Quick answer: Yes!
However it is very complicated. Time and Space (I capitalized "space" in this instance because I thought it would look sort of neat), are connected. They are linked by a cosmic fabric which is not unlike rayon. Rayon, despite it's semi-techie name, is actually a natural fiber, composed of plant junk, so it wrinkles. If you are keeping up, that means that time and space are bound together by a fabric that has wrinkles in it. You need to remember this, as I will return to it later, maybe.
We all learned in math class (or was it drafting class, or maybe wood shop?) that the shortest distance between two points is a straight line. The Discovery Channel has lately been trying to explain to those of us who watch it that the shortest distance between two points is NOT a straight line. They demonstrate by placing two points on a sheet of cardboard, and drawing a line between them. Then they curl the cardboard, bringing the points very close together and they say -- see, the points are closer now than the straight line. Well, think about it -- they are only closer if you draw another straight line from point to point, which brings us back to the closest distance between those two points is still a straight line, just a new, shorter straight line. Nevertheless, the important thing they fail to point out is that the paper is now wrinkled. It is these wrinkles that will allow us to go back in time.
Imagine those two points again, and imagine they are one light year apart (that's like 9,446,849,280,000 kilometers, for you non-yanks, or roughly about 12 months). If you pointed a movie projector from point A toward point B and began to play "Murphy's Romance," It would take one year before the folks sitting on point B would be able to see it. More than enough time to set up a movie screen, park their cars, buy popcorn and a Coke, and maybe even sneak a few smootches, climb in the back seat and have a kid before the movie started.
However, if you turned on the projector and then ran really fast to point B, using the secret wrinkle-route, you would be there in like four days and three and a half hours. What you have actually done is gone back in time, at least as far as how it appears to the folks on point B, because from where you are now (on point B) the movie hasn't even started yet. It's relative to the perspective of each person, regardless of whether they are a relative or not (Mitakuye Oyasin).
The real trick is to find the wrinkles in the fabric. I believe there are a few just south of Indianapolis, but I promised some people I would not mention exactly where. There is also a big one in Tromso, Norway, but it's mostly filled up with discarded old 7 oz. Nehi grape soda bottles.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
What makes dandelions weeds and not flowers?
It is all due to the dandelions happy-go-lucky nature. Unlike more serious plants, like the snippity rose, or even the black-eyed Susan, the dandelions have never attempted to brand themselves as anything special. Despite their Latin name of "Taraxacum officinale," which roughly means "really good for healing ailments," the lazy flower simply refused to promote itself. It would rather propogate, scare away grass, and entice little girls into believing they can predict whether a boy loves you or not.
If it's any help, I find it best to let my neighbors determine whether something is a weed or not. They wander over into my *space* quite often, and they are only too happy to point their toe at various plants around my home and inform me, "that's a weed." I mumble "uhuh," and make a mental note to transplant it into their yard, after dark. Weeds are easy to transplant, so when you see it growing well a week later, that is further proof it was a weed. Dandelions are one of the easiest plants to transplant, so it is indeed a weed, but they are quite beautiful. They make an attractive path of yellow along the far edge of any property line, and if you want to know if a boy loves you, you can quickly run over and pick one.
If it's any help, I find it best to let my neighbors determine whether something is a weed or not. They wander over into my *space* quite often, and they are only too happy to point their toe at various plants around my home and inform me, "that's a weed." I mumble "uhuh," and make a mental note to transplant it into their yard, after dark. Weeds are easy to transplant, so when you see it growing well a week later, that is further proof it was a weed. Dandelions are one of the easiest plants to transplant, so it is indeed a weed, but they are quite beautiful. They make an attractive path of yellow along the far edge of any property line, and if you want to know if a boy loves you, you can quickly run over and pick one.
Where do birds go after they leave my feeder?
Here's a question for Ask Old Stu: There are six goldfinches on my bird feeder right now. When they are not on my bird feeder, I never see them. Where do they go?
This was a challenging question, because as I began to research it, I realized that your feeder is like 1,000 miles away from me. As my research budget is currently somewhat limited, I was forced to speculate, rather than verify with visual proof.
Once they leave your feeder you would no longer see them if you continued to look at the feeder, so it is very important to look for them at other places besides the feeder. I would suggest you begin looking for them at your neighbor's feeder. Birds such as goldfinches require enormous amounts of food, and they will often eat ninety-two pounds of food a day, or something like that. I'm not exactly sure, but they will leave one feeder, and travel to the next. You can prove this by placing another feeder 2 feet - 3 inches from the existing feeder, and watch the birds go from one to the other, over and over. If you add enough feeders (minimum 422), they will never leave, except for the instances described below.
One must determine first why they left in the first place. Perhaps a cat was approaching, and they simply flew to a safer place for the time being. Another option would be that they needed a drink to waRsh (that's the way I pronounce it) down the food. Songbirds will often fly a distance much farther than all shorter distances, just to get a drink of water. They especially like regular water more than the heavy water used to produce nuclear fuels, because the heavy water is heavier. That is why there were so few goldfinches in Norway, during WWII.
If the bird happened to leave your feeder to die, they will fly to a place on the ground which offers cover where they can hide until they leave this world -- and then they are gone. The birds may have left your feeder because of bad weather. During a rain storm, you can find them hiding under any sort of shelter -- usually about 2/3 up a tree, under crossing branches or thick leaf cover.
One final though is that your birds just got ticked off at the same old feed stuff, and they left to actually forage for healthier foods (worms, bugs, seeds, stale chewing gum stuck to the sidewalk at WalMart, or perhaps they will feed on those dying birds hiding under ground cover. Despite they attractive appearance, goldfinches are actually vicious creatures and will often take on a puma. One theory is it was a common goldfinch that caused the death or the woolly mammoths.
This was a challenging question, because as I began to research it, I realized that your feeder is like 1,000 miles away from me. As my research budget is currently somewhat limited, I was forced to speculate, rather than verify with visual proof.
Once they leave your feeder you would no longer see them if you continued to look at the feeder, so it is very important to look for them at other places besides the feeder. I would suggest you begin looking for them at your neighbor's feeder. Birds such as goldfinches require enormous amounts of food, and they will often eat ninety-two pounds of food a day, or something like that. I'm not exactly sure, but they will leave one feeder, and travel to the next. You can prove this by placing another feeder 2 feet - 3 inches from the existing feeder, and watch the birds go from one to the other, over and over. If you add enough feeders (minimum 422), they will never leave, except for the instances described below.
One must determine first why they left in the first place. Perhaps a cat was approaching, and they simply flew to a safer place for the time being. Another option would be that they needed a drink to waRsh (that's the way I pronounce it) down the food. Songbirds will often fly a distance much farther than all shorter distances, just to get a drink of water. They especially like regular water more than the heavy water used to produce nuclear fuels, because the heavy water is heavier. That is why there were so few goldfinches in Norway, during WWII.
If the bird happened to leave your feeder to die, they will fly to a place on the ground which offers cover where they can hide until they leave this world -- and then they are gone. The birds may have left your feeder because of bad weather. During a rain storm, you can find them hiding under any sort of shelter -- usually about 2/3 up a tree, under crossing branches or thick leaf cover.
One final though is that your birds just got ticked off at the same old feed stuff, and they left to actually forage for healthier foods (worms, bugs, seeds, stale chewing gum stuck to the sidewalk at WalMart, or perhaps they will feed on those dying birds hiding under ground cover. Despite they attractive appearance, goldfinches are actually vicious creatures and will often take on a puma. One theory is it was a common goldfinch that caused the death or the woolly mammoths.
Monday, May 4, 2009
英国の堅いなぜ
Wonderful question! This question comes from our our good friends who live in some weird foreign country. They are asking, "Why is English such a hard language to learn?" It is a tough language, for many reasons. The initial problem is English is a fairly new language, as far as languages go, and we are talking about languages, so that's as far as we want to go. Newer languages are more complicated than old languages, such as Chinese. Those who speak English, THINK Chinese seems complicated, but really it is much simpler than English. It is just all those weird little scribbles they make that makes it seem complicated, and the fact the Asians are all left-handed and they write backwards. This is due mostly because much of Asia is 180 degrees downside up from where English is spoken. Some of Asia is in different areas than other parts of Asia, but for the most part, that's where it is.
English does have some serious problems, which I intend to fix, when I get some free time. For one thing, we have too many letters. Twenty-six letters is ridiculous . We can throw the stupid "Q" out -- you can't even use it without using a "U" with it. So let's just replace those two with"Kw." Good! Now, lets move on to the incredibly super-stupid "W." Who in their right mind created a letter that takes three full syllables just to say -- "dou'-ble ewe." We will need to leave it in the alphabet, so we can lose the "q" but from now one we will call it "woeh." Say it outloud with me-- "woeh." Try again, not "woo-ehh" that sounds Canadian -- just "woeh."
The "K" can be removed -- replace with hard "C" except when it is silent, as in knife, knickers or knockers. In those cases, replace the silent "K" with a silent "D" or just wait until you reach the end of this article. "S" will now always have an "ess" or siss sound. Words like "shoop shoop song" will now be pronounced "soup soup song." "Z" can be tossed out, and replaced with X, or we can discard the X and replace it with the numeral 2. The "M" won't be missed if we replace with an "N" and learn to close our lips when we need the "n" sound. "Y" before "e" can be replaced with "U" except after "C" which never happens in real life.
And there ya go... oh wait, one more thing -- all those silent letters you learned -- DUH!!! -- forget them -- eliminate them too. That's what the OLD languages do.
Back to the question -- English is hard to learn because it is basically @!#&*#% COMPLICATED -- it has all these weird rules and sounds, and because we English speaking folk can't agree on the spelling. Give us a few years and then try again. I suspect cell-phone texting will speed up the process. L B Gr8 UL C
English does have some serious problems, which I intend to fix, when I get some free time. For one thing, we have too many letters. Twenty-six letters is ridiculous . We can throw the stupid "Q" out -- you can't even use it without using a "U" with it. So let's just replace those two with"Kw." Good! Now, lets move on to the incredibly super-stupid "W." Who in their right mind created a letter that takes three full syllables just to say -- "dou'-ble ewe." We will need to leave it in the alphabet, so we can lose the "q" but from now one we will call it "woeh." Say it outloud with me-- "woeh." Try again, not "woo-ehh" that sounds Canadian -- just "woeh."
The "K" can be removed -- replace with hard "C" except when it is silent, as in knife, knickers or knockers. In those cases, replace the silent "K" with a silent "D" or just wait until you reach the end of this article. "S" will now always have an "ess" or siss sound. Words like "shoop shoop song" will now be pronounced "soup soup song." "Z" can be tossed out, and replaced with X, or we can discard the X and replace it with the numeral 2. The "M" won't be missed if we replace with an "N" and learn to close our lips when we need the "n" sound. "Y" before "e" can be replaced with "U" except after "C" which never happens in real life.
And there ya go... oh wait, one more thing -- all those silent letters you learned -- DUH!!! -- forget them -- eliminate them too. That's what the OLD languages do.
Back to the question -- English is hard to learn because it is basically @!#&*#% COMPLICATED -- it has all these weird rules and sounds, and because we English speaking folk can't agree on the spelling. Give us a few years and then try again. I suspect cell-phone texting will speed up the process. L B Gr8 UL C
Why are 'exes' such a pain in the ass....
What is it with all the ellipses this week?
I received this question today.
This is another of those questions much like "how many angels. . . (better use of ellipse), that has perplexed philosophers since 87 B.C.. "Exes" is a Latin term meaning "wrath of Gluteus Maximus." Of course we all remember Gluteus Maximus was the leader of the Demi-Moorish tribes who defeated Mars, the Roman God of War, in the Battle of the Sexis. A related term from this period is "alimony," which is also a Latin derivative meaning "all of the money."
Much like a heavy dose of Mediterranean figs, Exes have a nasty way of shooting right through a human being. The only (possible, but sometimes risky) relief from this type of pain is to repeat the ancient Yiddish mantra, "O-wah Ta-Schmuc Kiam," sixteen times a day, for a minimum of three years. The mystical vibrations from this mantra will cause some Exes to turn and run, believing their enemy is weak and insignificant.
I received this question today.
This is another of those questions much like "how many angels. . . (better use of ellipse), that has perplexed philosophers since 87 B.C.. "Exes" is a Latin term meaning "wrath of Gluteus Maximus." Of course we all remember Gluteus Maximus was the leader of the Demi-Moorish tribes who defeated Mars, the Roman God of War, in the Battle of the Sexis. A related term from this period is "alimony," which is also a Latin derivative meaning "all of the money."
Much like a heavy dose of Mediterranean figs, Exes have a nasty way of shooting right through a human being. The only (possible, but sometimes risky) relief from this type of pain is to repeat the ancient Yiddish mantra, "O-wah Ta-Schmuc Kiam," sixteen times a day, for a minimum of three years. The mystical vibrations from this mantra will cause some Exes to turn and run, believing their enemy is weak and insignificant.
Who invented plastic bag closing thingies?
This question was received yesterday (5/3/09), and was actually a multi-part question:
I believe the original twisty-tie was patented in 1939 by a John Lane. The first manufactured twisty-sort-of-thing was registered under the trade name "Twist-Ems," by T & T Industries, Inc. It appears Lane did get quite rich, and was probably a millionaire, although I am unable to verify exactly how wealthy he was. I am nearly certain that it was he who once paid cash for a used red wheelbarrow that was in excellent condition.
By the way, unrelated to your question but worthy of note -- there is a man currently living in the world, who has more money than anyone else does. He is considered the RICHEST MAN IN THE WHOLE WORLD.
The last part of your question confuses me for a number of reasons. Why would someone ever want to break a twist-tie in half? Generally, they are designed slightly shorter than they should be. This unusual manufacturing defect can be easily explained. I also wonder if you really meant to say "lose an eye" or if you simply meant "caused the wire to penetrate someone's eyeball which resulted in a serious infection and loss of eyesight?" That would certainly make more sense, as the little wire would not contain enough force, even with a hyper-vigorous flick, to actually cause the eyeball to become dislodged with enough force to fly so far that someone could not eventually find it -- especially if it was in a room, which would consist of walls that would contain the eye. Even in a grand ballroom, loose eyeballs are pretty easy to spot.
The answer to the second part of your question is, nope. There was a case in West Bend, Indiana, where a person did actually accidentally dislodge his wisdom tooth with a twist-tie, but it was not broken in half. It was a full length twist-tie. It's an interesting story. He was rushed to a dentist on the fourth floor of the Lowrey Medical Center, downtown West Bend, but by the time he got there, the tooth had become lodged in his throat. Fortunately, there was an ear, nose and throat doctor one floor down. But, by the time he got into see the doctor, as you might have guessed, it had passed on into his stomach. There was a gastro-intestinal doctor on the second floor and he quickly went down to see him, but that doctor was unable to fish the poor tooth out. He made him an appointment for the next morning at the proctologist, who was on the first floor.
The following day, he went to the proctologist and the doctor used a special scope to peer up inside his colon. Quite surprised with what he discovered, he told the fellow he was suffering from a broken wisdom tooth that had become quite impacted and needed to be removed immediately, and he rushed him to the dentist on the fouth floor. There is more to this story, but no sense going on and on.
"who invented plastic bag closing thingies...are they a millionaire...and did anyone ever lose an eye from someone breaking em in half and flicking em across room....."The first thing I noticed about this question is that it did not begin with a capital letter, nor did it end with a question mark. It actually ended with an extended elipse, which seems very unusual. Being the pseudo-sleuth that I am, combined with my uncanny psychotic powers, I have deduced that this question must either be from; a) an eleven year old girl, b) a teenager of either gender, or c) a retired housewife living in Bulgaria.
I believe the original twisty-tie was patented in 1939 by a John Lane. The first manufactured twisty-sort-of-thing was registered under the trade name "Twist-Ems," by T & T Industries, Inc. It appears Lane did get quite rich, and was probably a millionaire, although I am unable to verify exactly how wealthy he was. I am nearly certain that it was he who once paid cash for a used red wheelbarrow that was in excellent condition.
By the way, unrelated to your question but worthy of note -- there is a man currently living in the world, who has more money than anyone else does. He is considered the RICHEST MAN IN THE WHOLE WORLD.
The last part of your question confuses me for a number of reasons. Why would someone ever want to break a twist-tie in half? Generally, they are designed slightly shorter than they should be. This unusual manufacturing defect can be easily explained. I also wonder if you really meant to say "lose an eye" or if you simply meant "caused the wire to penetrate someone's eyeball which resulted in a serious infection and loss of eyesight?" That would certainly make more sense, as the little wire would not contain enough force, even with a hyper-vigorous flick, to actually cause the eyeball to become dislodged with enough force to fly so far that someone could not eventually find it -- especially if it was in a room, which would consist of walls that would contain the eye. Even in a grand ballroom, loose eyeballs are pretty easy to spot.
The answer to the second part of your question is, nope. There was a case in West Bend, Indiana, where a person did actually accidentally dislodge his wisdom tooth with a twist-tie, but it was not broken in half. It was a full length twist-tie. It's an interesting story. He was rushed to a dentist on the fourth floor of the Lowrey Medical Center, downtown West Bend, but by the time he got there, the tooth had become lodged in his throat. Fortunately, there was an ear, nose and throat doctor one floor down. But, by the time he got into see the doctor, as you might have guessed, it had passed on into his stomach. There was a gastro-intestinal doctor on the second floor and he quickly went down to see him, but that doctor was unable to fish the poor tooth out. He made him an appointment for the next morning at the proctologist, who was on the first floor.
The following day, he went to the proctologist and the doctor used a special scope to peer up inside his colon. Quite surprised with what he discovered, he told the fellow he was suffering from a broken wisdom tooth that had become quite impacted and needed to be removed immediately, and he rushed him to the dentist on the fouth floor. There is more to this story, but no sense going on and on.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
What's the latest classified information on the Taliban?
AFGHANISTAN -- Yes, the Taliban appear to be on the move again. I was informed today, during my morning briefing by highly unreliable D.O.D. sources that after stiff overnight resistance, the Taliban have pushed hard and finally taken Cascara. The Pentagon had not yet released this information because they doubt Omar's forces can hold it for very long. "The strain on their rear is tremendous," said one unnamed CIA source currently on the Pakistani border.
UN forces have captured several Taliban soldiers trying to evacuate along the border between Pakistan and Afghanistan. The Taliban now appear to be attempting a maneuver involving the release of noxious gas. They have tried to suppress the reports, but it leaked out and the several CIA agents in the area got wind of it. Our espionage agents are among the best, and I suspect those Taliban guerrilla fighters are beginning to realize the value of even a single scrap of paper.
UN forces have captured several Taliban soldiers trying to evacuate along the border between Pakistan and Afghanistan. The Taliban now appear to be attempting a maneuver involving the release of noxious gas. They have tried to suppress the reports, but it leaked out and the several CIA agents in the area got wind of it. Our espionage agents are among the best, and I suspect those Taliban guerrilla fighters are beginning to realize the value of even a single scrap of paper.
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